First night

Why is it when something horrible happens people tell you that sleep and food are so important?? I do it to my Mom now but I realize that sleeping and eating are so trivial when a tragedy occurs. The night my Dad died we all left my Mom in her house alone. I know it sounds horrible and trust me, that was not our idea. She wanted to be by herself. She even kicked my brother out, telling him she couldn't talk to my Dad or cry like she needed/wanted to if he was there. How could we blame her??

My husband and I drove out to Tempe to pick up our son who was with my nephews at my sisters house. I don't think I said more than three words the whole way there. We drove home in silence as well. There really was nothing left to say. I probably cried more tears than I knew were possible since the phone call telling me something was wrong but I kept on crying on the ride home. I tried to will my Dad alive but unfortunately that didn't work!

Once home, with Christian tucked into bed, Chris and I sat on the couch and I tried to do something, anything constructive but it was just not possible. I laid in bed and cried more. I slept for a few hours but awoke early and couldn't get back to sleep. My stomach growled but food or the idea of food turned me off. Hunger strike? No. Just no reason to eat. No reason at all.

The pain was unbearable and the reality of what happened hadn't even hit me. My Dad is gone. For good. Forever. I can't even make it through one night. How will I last the rest of my life. This tragedy, this heartbreak is unbelievable.

After I'd been up for about 30 minutes, Christian woke up, walked sleepily out to the family room and curled up next to me. "I love you Mama". Tears. "I love you too buddy. I love you a lot". Life goes on... right??